i'm in love...

with tights and shorts, thrift stores, and flea markets.
summer hazes, purple sunsets.
and pomegranate martinis
with pondering, dreaming, and creating
and dance classes.
and my new diana camera.


oh and with this song:

Are you late.
It's always hate.
Troubles in your mind.
Take back the pain.
We got the rain.
Dont know why.

Sweetness comes and goes
and I'm always here to stay.
Reaching out and find that I'll never bee late.
Sweet dogs.
Sweet rain.
Never come and go.
I'm ohh so fine and ready to blow.
I'm ohh so fine and ready to blow.

Take back the line.
go back - I'm sure.
Everytime I want more.
Tke back the fruit.
I'm here to rule.
All the time - I'm sure.
Sweet talk.
Back clap.
Ohh baby.
It all make sense.
This is how you keep waiting
and I dont know why.

Always watch them with bright eyes.
Cant you see all is not right .
Always watch them with bright eyes.
Cant you see all is not right.

sweet dogs by trolle and siebenhaar

summertime

it is definitely summer. going to bed at 7pm... waking up at ten. that's 15 hours of sleep. hmmm.

i find myself often wandering around, lost, confused, wondering what exactly i should do. this new idea of laziness is not sitting well with me. it is shocking, like a bitter taste in my mouth. thank god that work starts on monday. i need a little structure in my life.

maybe tomorrow i will go to the pool.

today i went to the grocery store to buy some food that i could eat. i have been living on apples and fruit roll ups for the past three days. it was about time that i was able to eat some real food. that is, of course, if you call anything gluten free "real." i also finished my room and its nice to have that done. since i left the nest first, my room was taken over by my youngest sister which has, consequently, resulted in no permanent place for me to sleep. so in pay back i commandeered her play room. it's yellow, vibrant, and has three huge windows that let in enough sun to wake you up at seven. (however apparently that doesn't apply to me.) i was able to use my own personal touch and am happy with how it turned out - a nice little home in a house that is oddly so foreign to me. maybe i will put pictures up eventually cause i am quite please with it. the only downside is that it is in the basement, which still freaks me out at night and leaves me with the horrible view of our brick retaining wall and air conditioning. oh well.

i am so excited! i have decided to learn how to sew. often times, i have gone to thrift stores and found AWESOME items and yet didn't buy them cause they weren't exactly what i wanted. but no longer! i am going to "edit" them with my mom's barely used sewing machine. i already found a skirt that needs to be hemmed. oh am i excited! it can't be that hard, right?

speaking of thrifting. i checked out the local good-will and was pleasantly surprised. so much so that i bought way too much. maybe i will start selling online. i have been inspired by the plethora of women out there who thrift and resell. it seems like such an awesome idea. if only i had enough time. hmmm. we will see. i already have some cool items (including some awesome shoes that i would keep for myself if they weren't too small)... i am just trying to decide between etsy and ebay. let me know if you have any suggestions.

home is...

eighty degrees. goodness. i haven't been in this type of weather since like, well, since i left this place. maybe this why i haven't come back. either that or the fakeness i see swarming around like the fire ants that are attacking the remains of someone's bagel lying beneath my table. skinny butts don't match big boobs. im sorry. but they just don't.

i am apprehensive. i stick out like a sore thumb. my mom would be to differ, but i think its pretty obvious. i think it will be good for me, though. maybe.

i hope. ha.

i can't write this paper...

so i dance, round n' round, in my head.

and in my room.

currently arcade fire. then some thomas function. and animal collective. maybe some youth group. and noah and the whale.

and, of course, some black eyed peas.



oh the freedom that comes when no one is watching. sometimes i praise the Lord for my single dorm room.



but only sometimes.

comfort food

...or rather lack thereof.

hard day, hard week, hard semester, hard flippin' year - all you want is something good to eat. something savory - like cereal, for example. or grilled cheese. or ice cream. or maybe, even, just a piece of bread. with some peanut butter.

please?

... i just realized twix has gluten in it. crap. i have eaten a plethora of mini twix bars within the last ten minutes. and i never once thought about the yummy, crunchy wafer middle. crap crap crap. oh well. headaches galooore tomorrow, i suppose...

stupid stupid food allergies.

how i hate you all.

conversations...

"ha. we know. i speak for the lot of us."

"i should write a book. it should be titled 'things i learned while dating a philosopher.'"

"haha. well trust me. i can defend myself every time. not that i'm always justified in it, but i'm more or less

my days recently

wake up
go to breakfast with a girl on my floor
nap
homework
go to chapel
go to class
lunch with a girl on my floor
nap
homework
yoga
dinner with a girl on my floor
clean my room (because i can sufficiently dirty it within a day)
hang out with girls on my floor
homework
sleep



i need a break

in lieu of sleeping...

i write.

and i listen to billie holiday. her voice soothes my dread for the coming morning, week. well. 16 weeks if we are counting. but who is? not me, certainly.

funny.

Lord. why have you brought me to this place? my knees are scraped and the ground is cold. and yet it burns with a harshness that i cannot begin to describe.

it's strange. seeing people again. some of whom i haven't seen for so long. how will we ever fully catch up? i have to realize that it is impossible, but i want to. oh how i long to. i am so afraid of loosing them, i suppose.

oh Lord.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair, persecuted but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed... so we do not lose heart. though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. for this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison."
2 corinthians 4