home...

i have been thinking a lot about it.

and honestly. i am not sure anymore. because if i can't feel at home here, can i really be at home anyplace else?

this summer has been, well, slightly different than i had originally thought. and that is because i generally have incredibly high expectations for whatever and however i do things. it's a problem actually. but whatever. that is a post for another day, i presume.

this summer was also hard. not hard in the way that i am used to. summers used to be constantly going... back and forth, never stopping. but not this tim. i mean, i could sleep basically whenever i wanted. i could read whatever i wanted. watch whatever i wanted. besides that 16 page research paper in the beginning - i was free to do whatever i wanted.

and i did. and it tasted sweet.

at some points.

but "freedom" fails to find satisfaction when you're alone, i feel.

my family is wonderful. simply wonderful and i love them. with all the understanding i can muster for the word 'love' ("what is love? baby don't hurt me, don't..." sorry. whole new post, i predict). yet, coming back home after three years away... things are bound to change. their worlds can't stop for mine. and they didn't. they tried, but i understood. and so many nights, i spent reading. or sewing (a fine new habit i have picked up). alone.

and i felt strangely foreign in my own house. separated from the other inhabitants... i am rethinking my insistence to have my own space. like a guest. and honored guest, mind you. but a guest nonetheless.

so i am left with this: where is home?

there is this song by edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros. i have been listening to it constantly recently. seems to capture my desire for answers.

sorry for the crappy youtube (butts and such) performance. but internet sucks at my house and it was too much of an hassle to store the song... and whatever. i love her short hair though. if i had a longer face, maybe. but i think short hair would make my face look incredibly round and fat.