it's been two hours thus far. two freakishly long hours.
good god.
i pass the time researching everything that has been wrong with my life, trying to fit pieces together. but as hard as i try, nothing seems to fit. it gets frustrating after while, and so i quit. start paying attention. i have never been able focus long enough to attempt puzzles anyways.
i have thomas function running through my head and its killing me. literally killing me.
...“In the asshole of the gutter I have found a little peace, I open up my mouth and try to sing myself to sleep”...
seriously. where the heck did they come from? and why can't i stop singing those lyrics.
she said i was "highly" ADD.
and that i, "most likely", have a learning disorder.
well thanks. i am a junior in college and you are telling me that now. i feel betrayed. angered, really. i have tried so... so, for lack of better word, fucking hard my whole life and you are telling me that i could have made it easier? that there is a way out of this hole of frustration. a way over this wall of struggle.
seriously. thanks.
you have exhausted me. i can literally feel my neurons shooting sporadically around in my brain. it's wonderful, this brand new sensation, let me tell you.
so i here i am. (arms open so, so wide)
standing at a crossroads.
i can't tell where i should go, which path i should choose. i have "coped" for so long. and if i continue to cope, it would be so much easier for so many people so drenched in denial. it would be easier, and yet so much harder. but should i just swallow my pride, my discomfort, my frustration in order to please those whom i love?
and then there are those little things called principles...
stupid principles...
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