moment[s] of weakness

it rained that day. on my cheek, the drops fell.

we walk in silence. feet quietly treading new paths that seemed so horribly familiar. my body screams to be held, aching and raking under the pressures of such nearness, once so beloved. now... abnormal. i see the hand, the shoulder, the lip. and i remember.

we sit and i look just for a moment, to gain the courage, and composure, you had so swiftly taken away. like old, i suppose

your blue eyes pierce mine, and i know i cannot hid. they smile in the way that only they can. soft. tender. challenging. do you even know?

my heart sobs a quiet song. Regina, actually.
eet eet eet eet...

i long to ask, but i know i can't.

'how has it been?'

'how was what been?'

'you know...' i trail, begging you to catch my drift, like a snowflake on a tongue. silently, strikingly cold, and then suddenly, melting away to water the fills and soothes. understanding can do that, you know.

i look down and smile away fear. my cup steams and smells of chai. yet its sweetness relapse into putrid smelling pain. i feel so... alone. can you tell?

i want you to share what i feel. the grating and the tearing. i want you to reach into my body and feel the vastness you have caused. well. we have caused. that utter calamity, breakage.

i long so desperately to leave. the rain threatens to storm.

but.

i want to stay forever. near you. holding that hand. that shoulder. that lip.

'it was so easy. and the words so sweet' she crones.

so why does it have to be so hard?